Adderall
The pills her doctor gave her
Are meant to keep her focused.
The side effects
Don't matter,
As long as she does what she is told.
Oh yes, she can focus
But never sleep.
She can study for hours,
But never feels the need to eat.
She can work through papers swiftly
Despite the splitting pain in her skull.
As her grades rise,
Her mood falls.
As the pounds melt away,
So does her feeling of control.
Although the haze she could never quite snap out of,
Has long cleared up and gone,
She now has the constant sense that something will go wrong.
When the doctors gave her the medicine
They disregarded the anxiety disorder
Shes had since her fourteenth year.
She is now wide awake for her morning classes,
With veins full of fear.
And despite all this
All she can hear
Is her parents saying
"We're very proud of you this year."
*This post contains explicit content due to a quote*
"And I hear you've ended up fine, and I've heard you're making out alright. I've heard you still don't like the cold outside, and I've heard you still got trouble tracking time. And I heard you said one time, that I never even fucking crossed your mind. And I guess I'll act like that's fine, but you should know that you cross mine all the time."
Citizen-"Tracking Time"
"We both fell asleep on the floor, then I left you there. You spent so many days alone, so I'll kill myself to make things fair. See, I just hated being tired cause I can't seem to sleep anymore. You and all your friends were all right about me all along. Do you sleep anymore? I would love to be patient, but I just won't wait. I'm getting sick and tired of the smile that I fake every day. I would love to speak my mind, but I can't think straight. I would love to feel alive again, but I'm not used to change. Do you sleep anymore? And if it make's you feel better, I'll be on my way. And all this time I sit around and think, but there's nothing to say. And if you want to feel better, I'll stay out of your way. And I would love to feel alive again, but I guess that can wait.
Do you sleep anymore?"
Citizen-Sleep
I've been on a big Citizen kick lately. Not entirely sure why. It might be because when I try to listen to any of my favorite harder bands my head starts to ache due to the new dosage of medicine my doctors put me on and the lack of sleep lately. "Tracking Time" is one of my favorite songs by Citizen thus far (I've never really listened to a lot of their work until recently), and it's somewhat relevant to my feelings currently. Although, recently, I've been more focused on my future and school rather than past stuff. Sleep is my other favorite song by Citizen and it's pretty relevant because the new dosage I'm on plus recent anxiety has been keeping me up into the early hours of the morning and waking up multiple times after I finally fall asleep. I stress and stress and stress over school, and it seems no matter how long or hard I work on homework or how early I start to work on a project and manage my time it's still never enough and I end up stressing and frying my brains out with the stress and amount of material I try to cram in my head.
*This post has explicet language due to the quote*
"Take all I am, tear me into pieces. Deconstruct my bones and tell me you still don't know who I am. You've got some nerve thinking we could be friends, well what did you expect? A f*cking complement? So take whats left of me, a broken fragment from before. I guess I'll try to be the best I can without you here. I know I'll find myself along this broken track, I have to let you go and let these ghosts stay in the past. I guess I'll be fine."
Neck Deep- What Did You Expect?
These are some of my favorite lyrics from the song What Did You Expect by Neck Deep. I really love this song because it's helping me through a lot of difficult situations due to the people I'm trying to keep in my past, yet they're people that I used to be very close to so I miss them at the same time so like I said, very difficult situations. This song represents my feelings and explains them much better than I do, and I think thats why I enjoy music so much. It helps me sort through my thoughts and feelings. tags: difficult, song lyrics, & the past
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